lunes, 28 de abril de 2008

Scott Adams, crítico cinematográfico

Los dibujantes de cómics pueden tener desconcertantes habilidades en el campo de la reseña cinematográfica. Quizá a alguien se le ocurre algún otro ejemplo, pero yo pensaba sobretodo en Scott Adams, el padre de Dilbert, que analiza una película diciendo cosas tal que así:

For example, I want to know if a movie has a happy ending, even at the risk of ruining the surprise. Is the arc of happiness something that starts high, dips for dramatic impact then ends on a high note? Or does it start high and just keep dropping until the movie ends and you want to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills? So I recommend an arc description, such as this example:

Arc: High – Low – High

I also want to know the star power. Recently I watched I Am Legend with Will Smith. I enjoyed it only because Will Smith has star power. Even some unknowns have star power. So show me the star power rating, maybe like this:

Star Power: 9

Next, I need to know the mumbling quotient. How many times do you have to turn to the person next to you and ask “What did he say?”

Mumbling Quotient: 7

And how long is this movie? Can my bladder make it all the way or is this a two-pisser?

Bladder: 8

Artistry is important too. How’s the writing, acting, directing, and so forth?

Artistry: 8

I don’t mind violence per se. I can watch hundreds of zombies or henchman get mowed down and still enjoy my popcorn. What I object to is any scene where someone enjoys torturing someone else.

Sadism: 8

A good story is important. Mostly the story needs to be original and make sense. I don’t care about much else.

Originality: 6

I have a hard time with any movie with a plot so complicated I can’t understand it. I have a right to know ahead of time whether I will be able to decipher the story I am paying to see.

Incomprensibility: 4

You also need rankings for humor, scariness, and suspense.

Humor: 7

Scariness: 8

Suspense: 3

That’s all I want to know. Don’t tell me a movie is some particular actor’s best work yet, or the director is at the peak of his powers. That gives me nothing.

Puto Godard.

8 comentarios:

El Nabo dijo...

puto godard! más de una semana esperando pa esto. estais tratando de decirme algo? pues decidmelo coño! en español -.-

Anónimo dijo...

esta mierda que tiene que ver con god of art?

¿God of art? dijo...

Menuda mierda de lectores tenéis.
¿Cuando recibís comentarios como los anteriores no se os pasan las ganas de bloguear?

Anónimo dijo...

que asco me da monica naranjo

Anónimo dijo...

Hola,
Entré a tu blog sin querer y me daba intriga por qué le tenés tanto odio a Godard? Entiendo el odio hacia políticos, u otro. Pero, por qué Godard? Que te hizo?!
si podés contestame a enjowit@gmail.com La verdad que me interesa saber.

Gracias,

Joey

Anónimo dijo...

odia a godard porque es incapaz de entenderlo y eso le da rabia.

Listo Aburrientment dijo...

a éste también lo has llamado 'maestro'? para soltarle la retaíla de mierda que haces? cómo sería tu pose en inglés? master, i have a page for all of a world cultures babys yeah. for my dick suck you please. oh, yeah. ok. i will suck your dick.

Strip Poker dijo...

In my opinion it only the beginning. I suggest you to try to look in google.com